“I don’t keep up with the Joneses, I am the Joneses.”

I’m always amused by what’s on television during the holidays.  On nights like tonight, there’s always a mix of family-friendly selections; things that everyone will watch begridgingly, but no one would ordinarily choose for him or herself.  If you’ve watched television at any point in the last year, you’ve seen the offerings about a million times.

If you’re been unemployed and own a DVR, it’s closer to two million.  And one.

Not that we know anyone like that…

Tonight’s rejected selections:

The Thanksgiving Play episode of Everybody Loves Raymond:  Family banter ensues.   Mother-in-law joke.  (Repeat.)

Khloe Kardashian marries Lamar Odom.  Kourtney looks better preggers than most of us do in real life.  (Mason is now nearly a year old.)  Khloe’s gigantic rock of a ring continues to blind me.  (She’s now lost it once already.  That we know of.)  Kim says “Reggie” 14 times.  (Some things never change.)

Larry King, with guest Jack Hanna:  Even I couldn’t watch this one.

So what did our household end up watching as we set up the Christmas tree?

The Real Housewives.

Thanks to a rare evening when the whole family is in one room, and my taste for all that is Bravo, my parents are now familiar with, and fascinated by the whole spectacle.  So while your house might have had Christmas songs and egg nog, we had margaritas and mudslides (“You two are going out to buy LIQUOR!?  You drink LIQUOR?! Take your FATHER.  THERE COULD BE …DRUNKS OUT THERE!  YES, at the grocery store!”) and I got to hear this:

Q: “Is that woman wearing a wig?”   A:  (Of course she is!)

“That woman is a LAWYER?”  (Thanks.)

“Do any of these women work for a living?”   (They’re on this show?  Does that count?)

“I thought Kelsey Grammar was divorced?” (He is.  But not here.  No, Mom, it’s a really long story.  That’s his ex-wife.  Wife.  SHE’S HIS WIFE ON THE SHOW BUT NOW THEY’RE DIVORCED!  I don’t know what happened, Mom!  NO THEY DONT SHOW THAT!)

“Does this women really think she can sing?  I mean this is fake, right?  It’s all fake?”

Mom is just a little Tardy for the Party, you could say.  And that’s just fine.  In fact, that’s just about right.  I’m not sure what I’d do if Mom and Dad knew these things on their own.

Cheers, everyone.  Get your ornaments out, the final trimmings on your famous fixings for tomorrow (mine have a big “DO NOT EAT!” sticker affixed to the top), and don’t forget to wake up for the parade (my fav!).

…Oh…

…and watch out for the grocery store.

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One response to ““I don’t keep up with the Joneses, I am the Joneses.”

  1. And who led that big parade (aside from 76 trombones?)

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